Open RP Post

[dreamedboy]

⛈️ Hit me up on plurk or via PM if you have any questions/want to run an idea by me first/what-have-you.
⛈️ General squick/trigger list.
⛈️ m/m for anything shippy.
⛈️ General headcanon for Proko. If you've got different headcanon/ideas for a psl, hit me with 'em; I'm flexible.
⛈️ Proko's kink list.
⛈️ This is open to everyone who wants to thread with me!

Comments

[threesecrets]

[To say that night had been good would have been an understatement. Prokopenko had been kind to him and ruined him and he'd been exactly what he'd needed. Ronan had spent the night, slept in his bed curled up against him because he could hardly walk straight, let alone drive.

Ronan's kneejerk reaction is to hide from it, of course. To dust his hands and pretend that he doesn't ache for it, that he doesn't want more, want to do it again -- as many times as he can steal until he inevitably pushes him away.

But ever since realizing he lost Kavinsky- not from his life, but as someone that he could be in love with- he's been trying to be better. It takes him almost a week: Friday afternoon, when they last saw each other early Monday morning. But just after school lets out, he finally texts him.]

are you busy tonite?
I was thinking you could come over if you want to

look I want you
for real
Im just not good at this part

[There was probably a better way to say this, but these things have never been Ronan's strong suit. And then he smothers his face into his pillow and tries to ignore the world until his phone chirps back. But he's trying. He's taking a risk and hoping Proko catches him. But he had before; so he finds himself capable of trusting it.]

[dreamedboy]

i was wondering if u were gonna ask
not about coming over but about seeing each other again
im not busy

also
important q
in what way do u want me?

[They'd had one night of mindblowing sex and Proko hadn't really been able to stop thinking about it since. But there was more to it than that; it wasn't just the sex. It was Ronan.]

[threesecrets]

[There's a long few minutes, and then Ronan texts back: it could either be because he was thinking or because he's sort of a mess with phones.]

i dunno
i just

look i want it to be more than just a one time thing
i cant stop thinking about you

so i dunno
it's probably too fast
but ive always been like this
so if you want to we could maybe try dating
in addition to everything else?

[dreamedboy]

[The response felt like it took forever to arrive, but he didn't hold it against Ronan once he'd actually read it. It made Proko smile. Maybe it was too fast, maybe it wasn't, but it was his kind of speed.]

yea
id like that actually
ive been thinking about u a lot too
i dont want to be just like fwb
so dating sounds nice

[threesecrets]

yeah?
i dont either.
im not really casual about anything lol

[There's another pause, but this time Proko can see the dots where Ronan's typing, trying to say the right words. Or even the wrong words as long as they say the right thing. But eventually, he manages something:]

i didnt try.

with kavinsky, i mean.
he asked what we were and i just let it fall apart.
i thought i wasnt enough you know?
i think adam loves him more than breathing
so maybe i was right.

but i still regret it.

not fighting for it, not believing in us.

so i...

fuck.

i want to try, is what i'm saying.
for real.

and ill probably still be a mess
be cause ive never really dated anyone else.
but i wont run away cause im scared.
i promise.

[dreamedboy]

i try to be casual about shit and then i fail
so i know the feeling

[The pause was more curiosity-inducing than anything else and Proko waited with a mix of that and eagerness.

It wasn't what he expected but...]

he thought u were enough
but hes happy now and im happy for him and adam

u deserve to be happy too

[And so did Proko. So did everyone.]

i appreciate it
rly
im not perfect myself but ill do my best
and i dont mind if ur a mess
i am too

[threesecrets]

yeah im happy for them too

[And he means it- most of the time, anyway. And mostly it's just that he feels so alone now; losing the boy he'd loved, and the fact that he wasn't the person that Adam leaned on now. Even Gansey had found himself a girlfriend, and where did that leave Ronan, who had never belonged anywhere to begin with?

Ronan had always been at his worst when he was alone; it was one of the things that he and Kavinsky had always understood about each other. Ronan had just been too much of a coward to ever talk about it: he hadn't known how much he needed to have someone tell him that he deserved to be happy until it was there on his phone and his eyes blurred a little, and he sniffled to himself, had to drag a hand against his eyes.]

youre not a mess proko.
youre good.
youre- i suck at this shit
but youre willing to put up with me
and i cant really ask for more

though
okay yeah
the way you make me feel
like im good and hot and lovely-

[-like I'm not alone.]

like you wanna ruin me
thats good too

[dreamedboy]

u say im not a mess NOW :p

[But, joking aside- he was touched. Rarely did people call him good. There was more to it than that, too. It meant something to him because it was Ronan, because he could make Ronan feel like he was special. Ronan was, in Proko's opinion.]

u ARE all of those things
and yea i do want to ruin you- but like in a good way

also its not me putting up with u
its me caring
ppl 'put up' with things they dont like
i like u

shud i bring anything tonight?

[Too late, either way; he was already thinking thoughts. Like bringing Ronan sunflowers.]

[threesecrets]

i want you to ruin me in a good way

[Just in case that needed to be said. Ronan might be a creature of dark moods and shadowed thoughts, but he never wanted to add to it. He needed someone else to tell him the things he didn't know how to believe on his own: that he was good and lovely and special. It had just been one night, but Proko had made his heart bloom, anyway.

There had been a brightness, a warmth that he hadn't expected, that he thought he'd forgotten. It was probably why Ronan had worked up the courage to have this conversation at all, even if it was over text. As much as he hated his phone, texting gave him space and time that normal conversations didn't afford him. It made him somewhat less prone to shutting down.]

i like you too

[Saying he cares feels a bit more exposed than Ronan can manage, but that doesn't mean that it isn't true.]

whatever you want

i dont have any plans for the weekend
so you can stay as long as you want
do you like chinese? i was gonna get takeout

i dreamed us some things too
like that rope i promised you

[dreamedboy]

always in a good way
its only fun if ur enjoying it

[And he wanted to lift Ronan up, not tear him down. Proko might have enjoyed cutting him, making him bleed a little, things like that, but only when the enjoyment was mutual. Ronan's comfort and happiness was- it was important to Proko.

It was so much more than just 'Kavinsky would be pissed if he hurt Ronan', too. Maybe Proko was a sap or it was because Ronan was a dreamer or maybe it was just Ronan himself. He was magnetic, after all. Handsome and sharp, and beneath that, kind and caring.]

r u saying i cud stay the whole weekend if i wanted?
and i love chinese

i like the sound of that
well have to try it out